The Impressionable Mind

In Parshas Nasso, the Torah outlines the laws governing a Sotah. This refers to a woman whose husband has cautioned her against secluding herself with another man, and she subsequently disregards this warning. The husband brings her to the Beis Hamikdash, where she undergoes a lengthy procedure that, if she has committed adultery, results in her facing a gruesome death. The next subject the Torah addresses is the laws regarding a Nazir. A Nazir is an individual who makes a vow to abstain from wine, avoid haircuts, and become ritually impure through contact with a corpse. Rashi clarifies the connection between these two subjects by referencing the Gemara in Sota, which states that anyone who observes a Sotah in her humiliation should vow to become a Nazir.

This connection seems rather puzzling. Picture a person who observes a devastating car crash involving a drunk driver. They see the victim’s lifeless and mangled body on the street. Would this individual require persuasion regarding the perils of driving while intoxicated? It is reasonable to think that someone who has never witnessed the destruction caused by drunk driving requires information and a comprehensive explanation of the dangers linked to alcohol consumption and driving. Similarly, one who observes the downfall of Sota should logically be the last person the Torah would need to persuade to become a Nazir, as they have seen firsthand the potential consequences of alcohol. Yet, the Torah indicates otherwise.

Eyes See, People Act

The Torah offers deep insights into the complexities of human nature. When someone witnesses an event, it becomes embedded in their mind, shaping their future choices. Actions once deemed unimaginable may start to appear as options. Furthermore, Rav Shlomo Wolbe emphasizes that when a person observes a degrading event like the punishment of the Sotah, they might feel tempted to lower their standards regarding certain behaviors, thinking that after seeing such a low moment, they would never sink to that level. The Torah emphasizes the importance of maintaining vigilance to guarantee that one's conduct remains appropriate.

Individuals encounter a variety of situations daily. What individuals observe has a profound effect on their thoughts and attitudes. Extensive research has demonstrated a relationship between children who witness violence and those who display violent behavior, even when they recognize that such behavior is wrong. Witnessing violence becomes integrated into their decision-making framework, and the more frequently it is observed, the more it is normalized in their conduct. Fortunately, the opposite is also true. Children and adults who observe acts of kindness towards one another are positively influenced. They are inclined to emulate kindness. Individuals surrounded by empathetic and genuinely caring people can internalize those positive characteristics, making them a natural aspect of their behavior.

Control What You Can

Although individuals cannot control how others behave, they can position themselves in environments that foster positivity. A person who aims to lead a positive life should cultivate friendships and relationships with positive individuals. Positive individuals actively seek the good in others. They are eager to commend and embrace those around them. Such individuals create a pleasant environment and make it enjoyable to be in their company. Additionally, it is important to be aware of what one is allowing into their life. What are they watching? What are they listening to? Once again, the more positive the external stimuli a person absorbs, the easier it will be to emanate positivity.

An individual who finds it challenging to maintain a positive outlook must be willing to embrace change. Modifying one’s attitude is a difficult task, but it is possible. Begin by identifying the positive elements in life. Aim to make positivity a daily aspiration. The initial step involves recognizing the blessings present in one’s life. The truth is that everyone faces difficulties and challenges. However, it is equally true that individuals are endowed with numerous blessings. Concentrate on the reality that many bodily functions operate effectively, even in those who are unwell. Take the time to appreciate the achievements that can be realized. Minor successes are still successes.

Influences

The familiar principle of peer pressure is a tangible phenomenon in an individual's life. Individuals are swayed by the conduct and beliefs of those surrounding them. The Torah conveys that this influence can be either positive or negative. A Kohen, who witnesses the degradation of the Sotah, is advised to refrain from wine. Although he just witnessed firsthand the potential adverse consequences associated with drinking, it may still exert a negative influence as it becomes integrated into his “choice repertoire”.

Conversely, the Gemara addresses the opposite scenario. The Mishna in Avos advises us to "acquire" a friend. Rabbeinu Yona explains that the role of a friend is to assist an individual in aligning their actions. Unlike a parent or a teacher, whose relationships are hierarchical, a friendship is a lateral relationship. As peers, friends can point out when someone is straying off course without it coming across as a scolding. A genuine friend fosters personal development and serves as a source of support in the pursuit of becoming our best selves.

Perhaps, most importantly, be the person you want to associate with. As the saying goes, “birds of a feather flock together”. The more positivity a person brings into their life, the more positive people will want to associate with them.