Re’eh – Living Up to Your Role

In Parshas Re’eh, the Torah instructs the Jewish People about the consequences for an individual who attempts to lead others to idol worship. It opens the topic with the verse: “If your brother, the son of your mother, or your son, or your daughter, or the wife of your bosom, or your friend, who is as your soul, entices you secretly, saying, 'Let us go and serve other gods…’. Rashi is perplexed by the expression “your friend, who is as your soul”. He explains that this refers to a person’s father. Rabbi Avi Shulman raises a pertinent question. Why does the Torah opt not to directly refer to this individual as father? Why is this person’s identity obscured? He posits that the Torah teaches that an individual who diverts another from righteous behavior is unworthy of the designation 'father'.

Throughout an individual's life, they will assume numerous roles and bear different titles. Each of these titles carries both privileges and, more crucially, responsibilities. The verse in this week's Parsha makes it abundantly clear that a title is not intended to be hollow or casually assigned to an individual simply because it sounds appealing and the individual desires it. To truly hold a specific title, one must earn it and continually prove oneself worthy of it.

The Cost of Your Role

An individual who aims to take on a particular role must first determine whether it is a commitment they are prepared to invest the necessary effort to attain and maintain. This principle is relevant to all dimensions of life. As the saying in the business realm suggests, "There is no such thing as a free lunch." Everything comes with a cost. Recently, I needed to have a tire repaired. The shop owner informed me that there would be no charge. As I thanked him, he added, "Please leave us a review on Google, and then we will be even." Evidently, there is no such thing as free flat repair either. Everything has a price. Whether it is in terms of money, time, or effort, there is a cost to be borne.

One of the extraordinary features of humanity is the capacity to determine the kind of individual we aspire to become. Numerous elements in life lie outside an individual's influence, such as height, IQ, birth order, and the family into which one is born, among others. However, the development of one's character is entirely within the individual's purview. A person can resolve to act with integrity and honesty, regardless of their circumstances. This commitment demands effort and perseverance. There will undoubtedly be instances when honesty may lead to discomfort, particularly when one must accept responsibility for their actions. Additionally, there may be scenarios where honesty is not the most appropriate response. The Gemara quotes Hillel, who suggests that a bride should be praised for her beauty on her wedding day, even if such praise is somewhat exaggerated. This is because beauty is subjective, and, more crucially, the bride's feelings must be considered. Therefore, maintaining honesty necessitates ongoing vigilance and dedication. This vigilance and commitment are needed for all traits.

Developing Your Role

The necessity for people to cultivate their character is even more significant for those who are parents or occupy positions of authority. There is a story of a man who sought guidance from the revered Chafetz Chaim concerning his three-year-old son, specifically asking when chinuch (child-rearing) should begin. The Chafetz Chaim replied that this process had begun more than three years before. The effective upbringing of a child is rooted in the choices and personal growth of the parents, even before the child's birth. The greater the investment a person makes in their character development, the better equipped they are to support the development and proper upbringing of their child or those under their care.

Hashem holds exceptionally high expectations for every individual. Each morning, we recite in Modeh Ani, "rabbah emunasecha - great is Your faith." In expressing our gratitude to Hashem for restoring our souls at dawn, we recognize that He does so because He possesses immense faith in our capacity to maximize the potential of the new day and, indeed, to realize the best versions of ourselves. Hashem provides us with the opportunity to thrive and to do our utmost for those around us. The initiative and effort are ours to undertake. We must actively choose and commit to fulfilling our designated roles. Merely aspiring to a particular title is insufficient; it must be rightfully earned.

Keeping Your Role, Earning Your Title

In Parshas Re’eh and throughout the entirety of Sefer Devarim, Moshe emphasizes to the Jewish Nation that Hashem has presented us with the option to choose between blessing and curse, as well as between good and evil, encouraging us to make wise choices. Our choices profoundly impact the essence of our being and our duties in life. To earn the title of 'father', an individual must embody that role. This involves consistently caring for their children and guiding them to choose the blessing and good. Only when a person conducts their life in this way does the Torah grant the title of 'father'.