Chayei Sarah – A Life Justified Or A Justified Life

This week’s Parsha recounts the mission of Avraham’s devoted servant, who is charged with finding a wife for Yitzchak. Eliezer prays to Hashem for success, and as his prayer comes to an end, he is answered, finding Rivka at the well. She passes his test, and they go to her family’s home, where her brother, Lavan, welcomes them. After seeing the valuable gifts Rivka has received, Lavan says to Eliezer, ‘Come, blessed of Hashem. Why are you standing outside when I have cleared the house’. Rashi and other commentators explain that Lavan was informing Eliezer that he had removed the idols from his home, understanding that as a member of Avraham’s household, Eliezer would not enter a home that harbored idolatry.

This statement, made and acted upon by Lavan, reveals a profound understanding of human psychology. Imagine the situation a day or week after Rivka's departure. Lihavdil, (to make a distinction) it likely mirrored the night after Pesach in most Jewish homes. All idols and their accompanying items would need to be placed back in their original spots, in addition to the usual cleanup that is part of hosting guests. Yet, for the potential of financial gain the effort was worth it.

I Am Right

Lavan, despite his ulterior motives of attempting to seize the wealth that Eliezer possesses, asserts that he has eliminated all idols from his residence. This action demonstrates that, in essence, the idols mean nothing to him. He will honor and serve them when it is advantageous, only to discard them when he desires something different. Nevertheless, even though he is aware that the idols possess no real power, he somehow manages to rationalize the continuing worship of them.

There exists a significant need among individuals to feel that their actions align with their understanding of the truth. While it is common for most individuals to readily acknowledge their imperfections, admitting that a specific action is wrong proves to be much more challenging. The concept of cognitive dissonance has been the subject of considerable discussion within psychology. Developed in the 1950’s by Dr. Leon Festinger, cognitive dissonance can be simply defined as the mental unease experienced when one's actions conflict with one's beliefs. Such discomfort can give rise to feelings of guilt. Guilt, in itself, is not inherently negative. The individual's response to feelings of guilt will ultimately dictate whether it is perceived as beneficial or harmful.

When guilt drives a person to change their conduct or reconsider their perspectives on situations and other individuals, it serves as a positive catalyst. However, if these feelings result in hopelessness about the possibility of change, or provoke a defensive stance to avoid acknowledging mistakes, it has clearly turned into a harmful trait in that person's life.

Complete Transformation

Who was Eliezer? He was a devoted servant and student of Avraham. The Torah informs us that he was responsible for managing Avraham's entire household. He was responsible for disseminating the teachings of the Torah that Avraham imparted to the public. His dedication to Avraham and his righteousness in serving Hashem were so profound that he aspired for his daughter to wed Yitzchak. According to the Midrash, Eliezer was among those who entered Gan Eden while still alive. With this impressive image of Eliezer in mind, it is important to note that the Targum Yonason, in Parshas Lech Lecha, states that Eliezer was the son of Nimrod. Nimrod, who was Avraham's arch-enemy and opposed the belief in Monotheism, king who had cast Avraham into the furnace in an attempt to kill him and eliminate the belief in Hashem. This is Eliezer's origin.

The message is crystal clear. An individual is not bound by their past or background. Every obstacle can be overcome. This does not suggest that the process will be simple. It signifies that one must persist. Eliezer, an heir to Nimrod’s throne, transforms into the esteemed disciple of Avraham. He relinquishes his former beliefs and Canaanite practices, and in doing so, he is ultimately elevated from the Canaanite classification of ‘cursed’ to the category of ‘blessed’. 

Eliezer and Lavan, who are prominently featured in this week’s Parsha, could not have been on more divergent trajectories in their lives. Eliezer, who perceives the fallacies inherent in idol worship, does not attempt to justify his lifestyle. While it is true that he was a slave to Avraham, he could have chosen to remain just that, a slave. He could have simply served his master with loyalty without altering his beliefs or identity. In contrast, Lavan removes all the idols from his household to accommodate Eliezer. While this may seem like a kind gesture, it ultimately lacks substance. He does not contemplate the true significance of his actions. If he is removing these idols for Eliezer because they are false gods, he should also consider doing so for his own sake. Yet, doesn’t. He goes on leading an idolatrous lifestyle to the end.

Worth the Change

There is a story about a family that was not observant, a family that did not observe religious practices, living behind a family that did. Their children would often play together. The daughters grew so close that they installed a two-way ladder at the fence, allowing the children to move swiftly and easily between the two yards. The mother of the non-observant family would keep special kosher snacks and drinks in the pantry for the neighbor's children to enjoy when they came over to play. This thoughtful gesture was highly appreciated by the observant family. Nevertheless, one day, the observant mother turned to her friend and remarked, However, one day, the observant mother turned to her friend and said, "You are very concerned about ensuring my children have proper snacks, but what about your own children? When will you be concerned about what they are eating?" This comment prompted the non-observant family to reflect on their lifestyle and served as a pivotal moment in their transformation into an observant family, which now proudly celebrates its third generation of Shomer Torah and Mitzvos.

The power of choice is in our hands. We can opt for a lifestyle reminiscent of Lavan, neglecting our awareness of what is right to justify our flaws, or we can adopt a mindset akin to Eliezer, behaving in accordance with our moral compass and leading a life that is justified.